seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
