Yo dont text me then not text me
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
