i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
