His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
