I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
