i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
