Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Small penises have feelings too.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
