i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Randomize
