My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
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