there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
