just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
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