I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
