i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
