yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
