then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Randomize
