So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Randomize
