oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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