Don't make out with my wife yet
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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