I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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