Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
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