She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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