the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I just forgot I was standing up.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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