Soap is not a condiment
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
