if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Please don't give away my fajitas
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
