yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
