she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Randomize
