Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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