Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
