So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
