I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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