Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
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