Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
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