he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
