i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Someone came in the potted fern
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
