Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
