I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
