"it" just moved
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
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