the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
