I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
So squirting runs in the family.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
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