I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
