Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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