I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
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