i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
