I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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