btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Randomize
