He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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