if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
