Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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