you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Did you pee in the oven last night??
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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