totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Randomize
