Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
