Im at strip club and am horny
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Enjoy the penises
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
