And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
