The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
