We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
